joan of ark.

In a previous blog i mentioned that I was reading SexGod by Rob Bell. that it was screwing with my head. it became emotionally exhausting. draining me. i went from reading it every chance i got.... to abandoning it altogether. not because i was bitter or disappointed. i just had to set it aside. think through things. process what he was saying. gain perspective before coming back. becoming swallowed whole by this beautifully written piece of work. i picked it back up today. full of anticipation. like an eager child listening to a story. hanging onto every word. tasting almost as sweet as honey (or cotton candy). i see this book as one of restoration. it brings back truths that i buried deep the older i got. the more boys i liked. through relationships & experiences. one solitary heartbreak. far from clean. more messy than imagined. tangled and twisted. i appreciate being broken now. learning only God can mend me. love me flawlessly. unconditionally. constantly. to read this book and be reminded that i am not just a girl who deserves a good guy. but a daughter of a king. i should be treated as royalty. and i should treat people the way my Father raised me to. intended for me to. it is trial & error. and that sucks. ill be the first to say it. trial & error is never easy. it is ridiculously violent. you come out with battle scars. wounds. broken bones. mangled hearts. it's a war. we just have to realize we are fighting the wrong one. that is another blog for another day though. in the end, i have learned something very important: never ever settle.

never settle.
never ever.
there is a reward.
a beautiful ending to your story.
when the fight is over.
and all blood has been shed.
there is a reward.
stop fighting.
never settle.
it's coming.

ill let you know when ive found it.


God, let her listen
With ears to the ground.
Let voiceless approval
Turn into sound.
-sleeping at last