captivate us.

i started a few days ago reading the book Captivating by John & Stasi Eldridge. grier and i picked her up a copy before she left for tupelo :) i can remember kate reading it for hours while i was reading The Irresistible Revolution (which is life changing. def read it if you have a heart for poverty.) Then Mere sends me a facebook message telling me that she just got done reading Captivating and encourages me to read it (thank you mere bear :) )

so. i start reading it. amazing. like looking through a dirty window into your own heart. one of the chapters talks about how nothing disgusts satan more than beauty of God and everything that stems from it. women are beauty and satan's bitter heart loathes it, so he attacks it constantly with evil. lately i have been so guarded knowing that satan will take anything that brings God glory and turn it evil and worldly. when ever anything negative is planted in my heart or my head, i know that satan is trying to attack me, whether it be anger, jealousy, etc. he makes small things become big deals and we let those things trump whatever beauty is in store. when we fall prey to satan, it is as if we are putting on a wedding dress and running through the mud (go listen to Wedding Dress by Derek Webb, read Redeeming Love by francine rivers, read Hosea. all about how we are God's wife.... and we prostitute ourselves around & He takes us back everytime. beautiful story). it almost devestates me to know that it took my 22 years to learn that when i feel jealousy, anger, bitterness, saddness, depression, etc..... that is satan trying to ruin something beautiful, whether that be two people having deep conversations about the love of Christ, acts of kindness, loving inner city kids, forgiveness, mission trips, etc. i have always just let satan win. i just never looked at it like that. i have such a hard time submitting to God and other people, yet i will submit to satan at the drop of a hat? i hesitate trusting God and other people, yet i will trust satan?

God. I am so sorry. for betrayl, for naivety, for blindness. thank you for conviction. forgiveness. grace. unconditional love.


Your face is beautiful
And Your eyes are like the stars
Your gentle hands have healing
There inside the scars
Your loving arms they draw me near
And Your smile it brings me peace
Draw me closer oh my Lord
Draw me closer Lord to Thee

Captivate us, Lord Jesus
Set our eyes on You
Devastate us with Your presence
Falling down
And rushing river, draw us nearer
Holy fountain consume us with You
Captivate us Lord Jesus, with You

Let everything be lost in the shadows
Of the light of Your face
Let every chain be broken from me
As I’m bound in Your grace
For Your yoke is easy, Your burden is light
You’re full of wisdom, power and might
And every eye will see You.

-Watermark (captivate us)