Friday, September 14, 2007

catching up.

this past week has been one of exhaustion, little rest, and a lot on my mind. i wanted to blog so much this week, but i was so overwhelmed & weighted down that i couldnt put it into words. i couldnt tell the story without processing the journey. i still need more time. i need a weekend away. ill go to cola. be lazy. spend all day saturday tailgating and getting pumped for the game that night. then ill go home to greenville sunday for my grandparents wedding anniversary party with my entire huge family that i love so much :)

what is to come in the blog.

- my thoughts on The Almost show that i went to at new brookland tavern.
- what i want to do with my life.
- love. what is enough... right.. wrong...
- things i want to do
- football (go cocks :)
- my amazing nieces
- having trouble saying "no" to people & plans.

for now, ill leave you with this.

as i sit here & type this brief glimpse into the past 6 days of my crazy world, i find myself in my niche. my home for over 2 years. half of my life in college. 515 evans street. 2nd room on the right. sitting on hardwood floor. in a room that isnt mine anymore. nothing is familiar. it is filled with new stuff & new people. residents from the room next door. above the door is a painted canvas that reads...

dear children, we must show LOVE through actions that are sincere. not through empty words. - 1 john 3:18

thank you yosh & slamber :) that verse made my week.

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

settle down.

i found myself being drawn back here to the blog today... but with nothing to write about. nothing to say. so maybe ill just start typing. thinking. feeling. and we'll see what comes out.

today i puked during photography class. came home & slept from 9-3. called in sick to work. not a virus. not food poisoning (for once). just exhaustion & dehydration. im pushing myself too hard. leaving no time to just sit and be. im letting everything get ahead of me. slip away. pass me by in a quick blur. im forgetting to savor it. every moment of it. every laugh. tear. nap. memory. before we can blink, it'll be gone.

this past weekend was the start of college football. ok actually last thursday was. saturday i made my way down to the garnet oasis. garnet everywhere. flags flying. cornhole. tailgating. little black dresses. visors. 2001. the ol' ball coach. family tradition. it felt good to be back where i belong every saturday during the fall. not merely a speck lost in a sea of orange. instead a little black dress in the midst of 85,000 of my closest friends. go cocks.

i took a hiatus from blogging for a little bit because i couldnt comprehend what i was thinking. feeling. let alone put it into words & publish it on the internet for everyone else to divulge themselves in. that is, if anyone still reads this.

You give and take away.

the past 10 days marked many one year anniversaries.
the loss of a friend. daughter. sister. teammate.
the break up that blindsided everyone.
the kept secret that broke the girl in two.

my heart will choose to say. Lord blessed be Your name.

even one year later, new relationships are being built. old ones are being lost. wedges are being driven between. friendships suffer earthquakes. love is tested. backs are turned. people embrace. hands are held. tears are dried. questions answered. lives defined. plans are changed. houses rearranged. new sparks ignite. curiousity grows. think before you speak. patience child. BE STILL AND KNOW.

no this isnt the academy awards, but i all of the sudden feel the need to thank a few people...

thank you beansy for encouraging me to find my way back here to this. to write. to blog. to come home. i love you :)

virgy: thank you for weekly dinner dates. and never selling out. love.

k$. thank you for just being. my sister. my best friend. for not pushing. being patient. listning. for always being in the wings waiting on me when i need you. i love you.

dee. thank you for letting me escape to cola for the game :) i wouldnt have missed it for the world. you are amazing.

lg. for texting me when im late for class bc im sleeping still. for standing in the bathroom while i puke at 8:30 in the morning during photography. for sneaking to chic fil a with me during breaks. inspiration and love.

ramber. whether you know this or not, you have been a rock for me lately. i cant really explain it. love shines through you when you dont even know it. and for that i am thankful.

make time to dance alone with one hand waving free.