Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

like being in love, she said, for the first time.

i read a quote by goethe on the front of vanity fair when demi moore was on the cover months ago. i wrote it down and it stays on my desk.

"girls we love for what they are; young men for what they promise to be."

living for now with what i have. spending time with my best friends in the entire world, whether that be dancing on couches & coffee tables at 321, dinner at panera, or late night talks. i love them for who they are and for what they mean to me. we have been through so much together. ups and downs. laughs and tears. breakups and breakdowns. we are family. that is a bond that no one, not even satan can destroy. we love each other gently and protect each other strongly. if you screw with one of us, you screw with all of us. that we wont stand for.

love us for what we are...daughters of the king.
be what you promise to be. treat us how you say you would. how you know you should.

i have blogged about one of my best friends on a few occasions and she knows it. after one of our conversations that we had other night (on a back porch that was not ours) i was driving home and i thought about the two of us and our friendship. our bond that we share. we both were running away from issues and pain and the mess that we had created of our lives. we ended up running into each other and God was right there waiting on us when we got there. He pretty much flipped both of our worlds upside down in and through each other. we both separately came to the realization that we never really loved God and lived everyday for Him. we were living for ourselves. and for others. and designer jeans. and ipods. for selfish desires. and sinful nature. for nail polish. and road trips. we saw through each other the power of Jesus and the change that His love brings about. we could look in from the outside and see God transforming and molding and teaching both of us how to love, obey, have faith. we learned to not just KNOW, but to BELIEVE. we still learn from each other everyday. we look back and talk about where we have been. where we are. where we are going. the struggles we experienced. the scars that we got. the people that we hurt. we do this in seeing the healing, heart mending, learning, rescuing that took place. life defining moments that changed our lives. our hearts. our decisions. our resting place. He forgave and He saved.

"and in Him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by His spirit." -ephesians 2:22

thank you Jesus for amazing, intentional, real conversations that are a way of investing in the lives of others. encouragement is investing. understanding is the door that leads to compassion. open it and step through.

we're crashing into the unknown.
we're lost in this but it feels like home
i'm feeling alive all over again.
like being in love, to feel for the first time.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

if you get there before i do, dont give up on me.

friends came back.
started spending all my time with them.
ditched God the second they got to town.
not awesome.

i had a nightmare last night. felt so real. in the dream, i got sick & found out i had a month to live. its been bothering me all day. hope it never comes true. ever.
back to school booty whoever cookout last night was great. like one big reunion. so glad to be back with everyone. in the same town again. so thankful for laughter and friends. thank you wislon boys for good times had by all.

feeling a weight on my chest today. slow breaths. in & out. blink once. three times. paint a smile on. fake a laugh. everything is okay. appearing.

1. doing things selflessly, out of unconditional love, expecting nothing in return. being prepared to be ignored...mocked...disliked.
2. you cant go backwards. only forward.
3. stop looking for someone to love. fall in love with the one who created the someone.
4. accept that some people will never forget your past.
5. God's forgiveness set me free.

no one ever said learning was easy. no one ever said it would be this hard.

ive been waiting for 6 months to hear the words "i forgive you".
i just now am learning that i dont need to.
God forgives me every day for it.
that is enough.

tomorrow..... my last first day of school.
class on tues & thurs only.
8:00 photog. 11:00 graphic design 3
no mwf = 4 day weekends.
that must be the reward for going to school for 5 years.
yay for being a senior..... again.

this is a new year. a new life. a chance to do it different.

until next time. peace & love.

at people through the eyes of Jesus.
to build new relationships

First Time - lifehouse
Misery Business - paramore
Amazing Because It Is - the almost
Almost Lover - a fine frenzy
Keep It Loose, Keep It Tight - amos lee
Boondocks - little big town

Time magazine


this is a quote i stumbled across. it really doesnt apply to my life right now bc i am not resenting anyone. but it speaks a great truth.

When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free. -catherine ponder

Wednesday, August 8, 2007


i got an awesome surprise today. and i am very hard to surprise. i always figure it out. however, i love surprising other people. i have only successfully been surprised twice before this time. one involving waking up to puppies. the other was on the day i returned from a summer spent in nashville. when i was a junior in high school, a surprise party was thrown for me & my brother forgot to go inside & tell everyone i was here. so i walked into the sight of liz standing in my kitchen eating the catered food from Taco Casa. she stared at me blankly & said "surprise." people dont even attempt surprising me. however. today took the cake. it was pulled off in true jamie form. i now can say i have had 3 amazing surprises and i loved each of them. here is the story.

grier leaves at the end of june to move to tupelo, mississippi. i spend a lot of time with her before she leaves. debbie & i take her to lunch the day before she hits the road. the entire time im joking about she better come back & not stay down there. three weeks into it, she calls to tell me she is not coming back. i cried. she cried. but i told her i loved her & if she was happy there & felt that she was doing what God wanted her to do & what she loved, then i was happy for her. i go to nasvhille this past weekend & the whole time im missing beansy & grier bc they were there with me last summer & they both left for far away places this summer (tupelo & new orleans). grier tells me she has a present for me & ill get it in a few days. i assume its coming FedEx.

today im sitting at work at the front desk. it was a very slow day. i happen to be texting jacob about dinner plans tonight, when someone walks in the lobby. i dont look up and i say "can i help you?". the person doesnt answer, they just clear their throat (examples: kate. & sara jessica parker in the family stone). i look up & there standing in front of me in Miss Grier Caroline Parrott. i thought i was seeing things. seriously. i just sat there looking confused. and she said "Jame". and i screamed (yes. screamed. ask the girls i work with) "Lord Jesus in Heaven" because i thought i had seen a ghost.

after hugging. and crying (how lame am i) and more hugging. and screaming. we left and went to greenville to surprise debbie, which was hilarious. she is not going back. she is staying here. and i am so so so happy that she is back :)

beansy also got back today from new orleans! she moves back to atown on friday and i CANNOT FREAKIN WAIT!! :)

tonight we were sitting at 515 in mine & kate's old room (which is now amber & jess'). almost all of us. the family.... me. grant. B. jess. kate. amber. grier. jacob. tyler. even rae was there. it was awesome. grant & i were sitting there beside each other just watching everyone laugh & tell stories. then grant said exactly what i was thinking "its so good to be back".

i am so thankful for friends. & surprises.

the parade got rained on later tonight when i got home & was just thinking about stuff & reading emails. sometimes i feel like im coming undone, little by little. is that just me? i feel displaced in a sense. i feel like a stranger to certain things. what is that feeling. i can physically feel it in my chest. it's as if someone set a brick right on my chest. it is taking everything in me to breathe up & down... in & out. all of my strength.

God please help me get back up. dont let these bricks weight me down. show me peace. teach me strength. let your love abound in & through me.

We praise love over wisdom, forgetting that wisdom teaches us how to love. We want success over patience and wealth of every sort over poverty of any kind. We would rather be faithless than judged—would rather be in a relationship of an unhealthy bent than alone and deep down dreamless if it would prevent the ache of desire from sneaking up and staying behind. Avoid pain, avoid loss, avoid need. Always forgetting that we are vessels, not simply pure content. -laura willis

Friday, August 3, 2007

the nash.

one year ago tomorrow, i was driving home from nashville. packed up my summer. loaded the car. and only stopped once to get gas. it was the beginning of a self destructive downward spiral that would almost result in the end of my life. that was exactly one year ago.

one year later, i am back in nashville. i have only been here twice since i left last summer. once was in the middle of one of the hardest weeks of my life. the second time was when i left cola in the middle of the night & "ran away" with AJ & B for the remainder of fall break.

im back. a city full of memories. tears. seclusion.
i lost myself in this city. bits & pieces scattered throughout hillsborough village. the bread & co in the west end. the 9th floor of a sky scraper on broadway. loudon circle.

why did i even come back here...

That's the risk you take if you change: that people you've been involved with won't like the new you. But other people who do will come along. -lisa alther

Thursday, August 2, 2007

car door to the face.

today i finished moving.
ill rd trip to nashville with my sister.
& then start my life in the hills at the colony compound.
B gets here one week from today! Beans gets home monday!!! i have missed both of them so much.
tonight i took my sister, my brother in law & my mom to sweet tooth cafe.
oh the fine citizens of anderson. i love it.
we also had to call "the law" at work today to have an irate individual escorted off the property.
kate calls me to tell me that she got pulled over on the way to cola, her mom's car broke down, her brother got in a wreck & will had to come jump start her car in clinton.
the night ended with a bang when i opened my car door into my face. literally.
knocked me out.
the gash looks nice.
im hoping for a good scar, of course.
got it glued instead of stitched.
nice butterfly bandage smack on my forehead above my right eye.
people get to stare at that for weeks & give me awkward looks.
ill prob just tell them i got into a fight.
head is throbbing.
so this will be shorter than usual. and i hope it actually makes sense.
did i mention that the room is slightly spinning....
p.s. kate: the picture is just for you. stop laughing.

last night i had dinner with an amazing girl with a beautiful heart. i am thankrul for new friendships and new beginnings.

as I look into the stars
pondering how far away they are
how You hold them in Your hands
and still You know this man
you know my inner most being
what a beautiful God
what am I, that I might be called Your child.
-shawn mcdonald (what am i)