hi.
i almost feel strange coming back to this because ive been gone for so long. life has been busy. really busy. tons of weddings and engagements and football games and work. i dont really know where to begin. or what to say. so im just going to talk about things that are on my mind right now in the hopes that i will forget them by the end of this.
the dreaded question for me is "what are you going to do in may when you graduate?"
all i can answer with is, "i dont want to be a graphic designer". which is the shorter version of "i dont want to do what has owned my life for the past 3 years. what i changed my major to sophmore year of college. what ive stayed an extra year of college for. what ive lost sleep over. what ive stressed out and cried over. i dont want to do that anymore. it's all been a waste of my time. that sucks to say and to hear. its truth though. when you lose passion for something, it is torturous (is that a word?) to have to do it. it takes all of you to sit down and spend hours working on your next project. maybe it's teaching me discipline. i dont know. where will i be in may? where will i move to? wherever i go, will it be with the best intentions?
the other night, my housemate meagan and i went to dinner. somehow we got on the subject of our best and worst qualities. ive never thought about this before, but im glad it came up. i think when we idnetify and admit to our weaknesses, we are more aware of them. i am very careful now not to fall prey to the three tendencies that are just heartless.
best: considerate. thoughtful. compassionate.
worst: unsympathetic. self-absorbed. spiteful.
that is a hard confession. an ugly one at that. but i am all 6 of those.
moving on.
i think that one of my favorite things ever is getting to spend time with my best friend kate. i love it. she is constant and never changes. still funny. still wierd. still messy. still very type B. i love her. and spending time with her is one of the simple things in life that makes me so glad to be here. 2 weekends from today she will move to Columbia and it will be the first time since we met in 6th grade that we will live in separate cities. i am happy for her though :)
things that stress me out lately:
health insurance. getting a paycheck just so i can pay for food & gas. graphic design. internship. what the crap im going to do with my life. raising enough support for guatemala. football (3 losses in a row after being in the top 10).
wilksy: i miss you :) and i am so ready for you to be done with school so we can spend our time watching the OC on dvd and reading the "newspaper" together while we drink coffee.
im spent. and not all here today. next blog will be more profound hopefully. love.
take a leaf of paper and draw your mind. -machester orchestra
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