Saturday, July 21, 2007

going to the chapel.

today was the day of weddings. my friends laura beth & blake got married at 2:00 in greer and my friends kimberly & steven got married at 6:00 in powdersville. i am exhausted. a lot of that probably has to do with dancing for 3 hours straight at the second wedding. my feet are hurtin. both weddings were beautiful. i love weddings. it was so good to see everyone. LB & blake's wedding was like a reunion. next wedding is Bridget & david's on oct 10. then matthew ables... then jerri & davey... then kg & brandon... then rebecca & jeremy. one of which i am a program attendant and one of which i am a bridesmaid. then there is rebecca & graydon followed by missy.... which i am a photographer for both. is it just me or is everyone getting engaged/married. ive already had 4 weddings previous to these two...just in the past 2 months.

so. ive gone to a ton of weddings this year, half of my friends are engaged, and girl i work with is planning her wedding all the time. i wont lie... its hard not to think about your own wedding. i am finally content with the fact that i am not engaged like everyone else i know. i have too much fun living with girls i love, spontaneous road trips with best friends, slumber parties, etc... all things that dont really happen when you are married. life is too good. too free. too fun. right now for me to be tied down. i just now learned how to live my life without being too dependent on others. im just now comfortable in my own skin. i think i just recently learned to truly love myself & others. im not ready for the rest of my life or the real world. im ready for tomorrow.

dont get me wrong now. i do want to get married. im the girl who has had her wedding planned for the past 18 years of her 22 year life. im type-A. if you know me, you know that i am "that girl". ive thought of everything. i could probably plan my wedding in 2 months if i had to... but i would rather not suffer a heartattack in my early twentys. everytime i go to weddings, when the bride walks down the aisle, i always watch the groom. something about the groom's reaction is so moving. just to see a guy in awe of his beautiful bride..maybe even teary eyed on some ocassions. at LB's wedding today, i just could sense this happiness. her & blake both just looked love struck. it was so beautiful. i have had the priveledge of knowing them before they started dating.. during.. and as they got engaged & began planning the wedding. just to see how they have learned and survived and changed is so incredible.

i cant wait to spend the rest of my life with my best friend. to get married in my grandparent's church. to walk down the ailse. to see my love standing at the end waiting on me. to wear a beautiful white gown. to have sex (come on. you know you were thinkin it too.) to sit for hours & stare at the diamond engagement ring that will be on my left ring finger. to love someone through sickness & health. to see my friends cry. to hug my family bye. to have a house of my own. to wake up to my husband every morning. to grow old together.

its a strange feeling picturing your wedding when the groom does not have a face. not knowing who you will love you unconditionally... flaws & quirks & all.

i cant wait.
i want to serve my husband.
i look forward to it.
it makes me melt just thinking about it.

but first.
ill go back to guatie.
ill go love orphans in africa.
ill move out of 515.
ill graduate college.
ill attend a ton more weddings.
ill fall in love.
ill be as much like Jesus as i can.

and im okay with that. im not ready for the rest of my life just yet. just tomorrow will do for now.

Underneath all your white
My Lady, My Love, My Bride
In your darkest hours
Will I love you still?
I have and I always will.
-dave barnes

1 comment:

Katie said...

hey Jamie.
i know we have never met... but i'm Nick's cousin, Katie.
just wanted to let you know that i read your blogs whenever i get the chance... and all of them hit home in a certain area in my life.
but this blog was very different....
your words captivated me, tears filled my eyes, and it made me realize that it was ok to be that "single girl" that still wants to enjoy her youth. may God bless you on this new journey in your life... and please keep blogging. :) thanks