first walk. then run.

today has been full of strangeness. here is a short list of randomocity from today.

1. jess & i watched the mill burn to the ground.
2. fire is really really hot... even from 100 yards away.
3. all the roads were blocked off, so i couldnt get to work for a while.
4. today i brought the camera to work... me & lindsey & rebecca (two girls i work with) documented a day of work in our office. hilarious.
5. debbie got mad at me.
6. trey's parents & sister came in town today.
7. ate at smoke on the water for the first time. (i know. i cant believe i havent eaten there yet either).
8. found out im going back to guatie for sure. dec 8-18 :) yes!!!!

this week i was missing wilksy so bad... i almost left work & drove to cola to see her. i love that. missing someone that much. im so thankful to have her as one of my best friends :) daily encouragement from beans... unbelievable. she is constant.. through good & bad. never leaves my side. im so glad she has had an amazing experience in nawlins... but i am ready for her to come back! my lins got a job! big girl in a big girl world :) she's gotta make some money so we can go to savannah come august!

i got self-absorbed tonight. i hate that. when you can see it happen. it makes me dislike myself. i am still learning. baby steps. as jake would say... im running before i can walk. it was good to be back in atown this week. i dont know what i would do without jake & amazing conversations. i want him to start blogging. he could be the next donald miller.

people have helped me a lot in my life. but especially in the past year. i respect that and am so thankful for that. i want to be a person that people can come to like that. i didnt know i was capable of being that for anyone. tonight one of my friends told me that she almost drove over an hour to see me because she was freakin out. im so glad that she knows she can do that and that i will always be here. i love helping people. as she was pouring her heart out to me, she kept saying she wanted to change. she wanted to be different. she wanted to not be so self-absorbed. she spoke with such passion that i could almost feel change. i could see it coming. taking shape. so awesome. i love learning. i love watching people learn. change is so beautiful. her heart is beautiful. and so is she :)

sometimes i feel like i care so much and i am so filled with the desire to love, that i dont do it right. maybe there isnt a wrong way. i feel like i love in the wrong places. does that make sense? b always used to tell me that i care about others so much. and i do. sometimes i wish i didnt.... but thats bc its not always easy. why do we defer from anything that is remotely challenging? it is hard to care/love and it not be reciprocated or appreciated. unconditional. it teaches me to love for unselfish reasons. so ill continue to love. and care. it breaks down walls. it mends. it prevails. why do people resist it?

tomorrow i have 2 lingerie showers & a bachelorette party. busy afternoon & night.
my mind is racing tonight. i cant wait to go read more Velvet Elvis. goodnight all.


You've got so much love in you. - the rocket summer